Honestly

I had a cyst check ultrasound today and blood work done.  I wasn't given any results but I am thinking that no news is good news.  I start two more injections tomorrow.  I have to take Follistim and Menopur.  I am really nervous about starting them.  I am mostly afraid of how they will make me feel and act.  I am worried that they will hurt or that I might have a bad reaction to them.  I am praying that I am just getting myself worked up for nothing and I will breeze through this part.  :-)

I also thought tonight would be a good time to talk about what I am really scared of.  I am so scared that it is not going to work.  That after all of this the embryo won't take or worse that it does and after a little while I have a miscarriage.  I am so terrified of that happening.  I am trying so hard to think positively but there is this little voice in the back of my head that keeps reminding me that this is not guaranteed.  I am worried that if it doesn't work I will emotionally end up right back where I was last May when I lost the third pregnancy.

That being said, I will not let my fear of "what if" stop me from going through this.  As sad as I will be if it does not work, I would rather know that we tried then spend my life regretting not doing it.  I believe that this will work.  I just need to focus on the end result and not let my fears ruin anything.

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.  Psalm 56:3 

Here We Go!

I had an appointment today after work.  I had a cyst check ultrasound and everything looks good!  We had to bring all of our medications with us so they could go over them with us.  At the last appointment they gave me a paper with all of the tentative dates from now until the egg retrieval.  That sheet said the injections would start on April 27th.  Well, today we found out that one of the injections starts today!!!  I started on Lupron tonight and then tomorrow I have to start doing it in the morning.  Then I start two other injections on the 27th.    I was afraid that I would not be able to do the injection by myself.  Dave was on stand by to do it for me but I was able to do it.  And he took pictures while I was stabbing myself with a needle.

I was so scared about the injection.  I was pleasantly surprised that I could barely feel the needle going in.  But then when I pushed the medicine in it kind of burned.  I am not sure what the purpose of this particular medicine is but I will try to look it up.

I think it's funny that the shirt I was wearing for the start of the injection process says "It's only going to get phunner"  (Phillies merchandise always spells things with PH to be catchy.)  More appointments, more injections, but hopefully ending with a beautiful baby!

Medications and a Nice Surprise

We went to pick up all of the medications that I will begin taking on the 26th.  When I called on Wednesday to see how much it was going to cost they told us that the total was $3955.12.  We were told at the first consultation that the injections would be between $3000 and $4000 but that because of our situation that we could expect it to be closer to $3000.  Needless to say when they told us how much it was I thought I was going to fall over.  There goes the rest of our savings!!!

Well, today after work Dave and I went to this special pharmacy on the 4th floor of a medical building in Phoenix.  She pulled out the stack of prescriptions to ring up, 15 in total.  Some of them were for needles and syringes but most were for actual drugs of one kind or another.  They said that they wanted to run my insurance because some of the medications were pain killers and things so maybe it would bring the price down.  She ran the insurance and the new total was $2810.12!  We had to put out $1145.00 less then we were expecting.  I am so thankful that we were able to save that money.  It was still a very large amount of money to spend on two weeks worth of medicine but I feel so lucky that we got this financial break.  When every penny counts an extra $1145 is definitely a gift!

Testing is Finished!

I had a ton of blood work done, a fluid ultrasound that was so very painful, a mock run of the implantation, and a consultation appointment all in the past two days.  For the fluid ultrasound the doctor filled my uterus with liquid in order to make sure the inside of my uterus was healthy.  When the liquid came out I felt like I was having serious labor contractions.  But it was well worth it because it was all good news!!!  My egg count is excellent.  The doctor said that normal is 6 per ovary and I had 8 on my left and 10 on my right.  And the inside of my uterus is healthy.  Dave had his blood work and analysis done as well and all of his numbers look great too! 

I am finished with all of my testing and I will be starting the IVF cycle on April 23rd.  I can't believe this is happening so quickly.  I will be starting the injections on April 26th and then going in for ultrasounds every other day for a bit and then two days in a row before the egg retrieval.  That will happen sometime between May 8-10 depending on how my body reacts to the medication and then the eggs will be fertilized and after 5 days 1-2 embryos will be implanted.  I COULD BE PREGNANT BY MAY 15!!!!!  Or earlier depending on the medication.

I am so thankful that all of our test results have been so positive.  I just keep praying that we will be blessed with a beautiful baby to love.  I keep thinking about the first time I held Logan.  How at that moment nothing else in the world mattered.  I never knew a love like that before.  I am looking forward to having that moment again.  What an amazing gift that would be.  To be able to hold our child in my arms for the very first time and falling in love all over again.  And this time we would be able to share that joy with Logan.  I feel like I get a glimpse of that every time he holds Joey and Tulsi's baby Adeline.  I know he will be an amazing big brother! 

 

Today's Appointment and BFF's

Our appointment went really well today.  I had blood drawn that will be sent out to the lab and then had an ultrasound to see how many follicles are present.  She said the more the better and that I had a lot.  :-)  She said that I have "happy ovaries."  I was pretty excited by my happy ovaries.  That means that I won't have to have ovulation stimulation.  So the next step is for both Dave and I to go get some blood work done at the lab and then on April 9th I go for a mock run through to see exactly where they will implant the embryos.  Then on April 11th we go for a consultation with the doctor where she will go over all of the test results and where we go from there.  I started taking birth control today and I have to be on that for 3-6 weeks.  I am praying that it will be the 3 weeks but if it is for the 6 weeks that's ok too.  What ever it takes to work!

If all goes well I could be pregnant in 6 weeks.  I still can't believe that this is all starting.  I am really getting ahead of myself and thinking about names and how to paint the nursery.  I can just see our baby and imagine what it will feel like to fall in love all over again.  But one step at a time.  I need to slow down and just take it as it comes.  I am so thankful that we are being given this opportunity.

This evening was really nice too.  Dave and Logan got to have a "man's night" and went to see The Lorax.  I got to meet up with Tulsi (My best friend since I was 12) and see The Hunger Games.  It was really nice to have some time together and the boys got to spend some quality time together.  She has been  there for me through everything for the past 17 years.  They are moving to Texas at the end of the month so I am pretty bummed that she won't physically be here but i know she will always be a phone call away.  I told her to be prepared for me to call her hysterical and all cracked out on hormone injections.  For those of you that know me, you know how much of an emotional person I am.  I am worried to see how emotional I will be when I start the medication!  We should buy stock in kleenex!