Honestly

I had a cyst check ultrasound today and blood work done.  I wasn't given any results but I am thinking that no news is good news.  I start two more injections tomorrow.  I have to take Follistim and Menopur.  I am really nervous about starting them.  I am mostly afraid of how they will make me feel and act.  I am worried that they will hurt or that I might have a bad reaction to them.  I am praying that I am just getting myself worked up for nothing and I will breeze through this part.  :-)

I also thought tonight would be a good time to talk about what I am really scared of.  I am so scared that it is not going to work.  That after all of this the embryo won't take or worse that it does and after a little while I have a miscarriage.  I am so terrified of that happening.  I am trying so hard to think positively but there is this little voice in the back of my head that keeps reminding me that this is not guaranteed.  I am worried that if it doesn't work I will emotionally end up right back where I was last May when I lost the third pregnancy.

That being said, I will not let my fear of "what if" stop me from going through this.  As sad as I will be if it does not work, I would rather know that we tried then spend my life regretting not doing it.  I believe that this will work.  I just need to focus on the end result and not let my fears ruin anything.

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.  Psalm 56:3