Because I Have Something To Say

I know it has been a while since my last post.  I have had several appointments since then but after each appointment I didn't feel like it was the right time to write.  The other week at church our pastor was talking about a guest who was going to be preaching and he said that the best advice he could give was not to speak because you feel like you have to say something but to speak because you have something to say.  That really hit home for me because I was almost feeling guilty for not having posted any updates.  I realized that when I had something that I just needed to say, I would be able to write a post that meant something.

I have one more ultrasound appointment tomorrow and that is the last one before the implant!!!  I cannot believe that it is so soon.  They will thaw the embryos on Monday and then we will call on Tuesday after 11am to find out how many survived the thaw.  That will start to determine if the the implant will be on Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday.  Just like the last round we are hoping for Friday because that will be a day 5 transfer.  I will have a day of bed rest and then have to take it easy for the 2  weeks before the test.  Right now everything is looking good and I am right on track with where they want me to be.

The progesterone injections start again on Saturday.  They are the nasty giant ones that go in my lower back.    I had an allergic reaction to them last round so they are having it mixed with cottonseed oil this time to try and avoid another reaction.  The down side to that is that it is thicker so the needle has to be even bigger.  I can handle it though.  If I made it through all of the other injections, a bigger needle is a piece of cake!  :-)

I have been feeling so many crazy emotions through all of this.  I have moments of excitement, terror, anxiety, hopefulness, helplessness, the list goes on and on.  I have been having a pretty hard time since starting my new job.  Just adding the stress of my job on top of things has made it kind of difficult to work through what I am feeling.  I find myself being upset about something that happened at work but then I end up getting upset about IVF even though I shouldn't be.  I have been praying to be able calm my nerves and not turn into a crazy crying mess over every little thing.  It doesn't help that I am on all kinds of medicine that mess with my emotional stability!  I find almost every sentence that I say to Dave starts with "this may be the medicine talking but...".  Dave is such a great man.  He deals with my crazy so well.  Even though it might be the medicine talking he still listens to me and helps me work through it.  I am so thankful to have him here for me.  He is also helping me figure out how to do my job and help the children in my class as best as I can.  He helps me stay positive and hopeful.  I love that he is able to do that for me.

Every blog post I know I end with saying what I am thankful for.  I have a really long list to go through today.  Something new that I am thankful for are my coworkers!  For example I called for help this afternoon and in two minutes there were four people there to help me.  It is great to have that kind of assistance in the workplace. I am very thankful for all of the support that our friends and family have poured out to us.  Everyones genuine care for what we are going through and support has helped us so much.  I am so thankful for our church.  They have been here every step of the way praying for us and with us.  I am thankful for the gift that we have been given for another chance.  You do not see that type of kindness very often.  I believe that we will be able to pay it forward.  I really feel like god blessed us with our doctor and this second chance and I hope that he will somehow use us to bless someone else.  I have no idea what that will look like but I am excited to see!  One last thing that I am thankful for is this blog.  Through it I have been able to tell my story to a great deal of people.  We are at nearly 6000 views.  When I started this I thought that maybe a handful of people would keep up with our posts.  I never dreamed that it would be read by so many and actually help and inspire some people.  I am thankful for the opportunity to do that.