Emotional Update

So I thought I would write a post today just to talk about all of the crazy emotions I have been dealing with for the past few days.  I am so lucky that my mom was able to come out here on Thursday.  She was the first family member/friend (besides Dave and Logan)  that I saw since I received the news on Monday.  I love my mom so much because she just knows when I need to talk about something and when I am just not ready.  I am very thankful that she just lets me talk when I need to even though I am sure she wishes I would open up more.  I have found that it is one thing to write about how I am feeling and a completely different thing to talk about it.  I am still having a really hard time talking about everything.  It was like this before and I know in time it will be a lot easier to talk about everything freely but for now its pretty tough.  The next morning my in-laws came home from Pennsylvania so our house is pretty full right now.  :-)  On friday my great aunt Ruth and uncle Pete happened to be in Tucson for a wedding so they drove to visit us.  I was surprised by Kristal who came over and brought dinner for us.  Thanks Kristal!  It was so nice to see everyone but it wasn't very easy to keep a smile on my face when I am still hurting so badly inside.

Even though I am feeling so upset and disappointed, I am excited and extremely grateful that we get a second chance.  That is another thing that I have been struggling with.  I was starting to feel like I shouldn't feel so sad right now when we have this wonderful gift of a second chance.  But I am realizing that I need to let myself deal with what happened on our first round and just because I am so sad that the first round didn't work it doesn't mean that I am not thankful for the chance to do it again.  I realized that I am allowed to feel the way that I am.

Yesterday my mom and I spent a nice day together getting our nails done-Thanks mom- and going out to lunch.  It was SOOO nice to spend that time with her.  Then it was time to face the world for a birthday party.  Part of me wanted to stay at home and hide from everyone but I had to stop hiding.  So off to Chelsi's 80's themed birthday party.

I had fun getting ready with the girls and laughed hysterically at the boys in their workout gear.  Honestly I had a hard time at the party.  I felt like I wasn't ready to be in public and pretend everything is ok but when you have 3 grown men in booty shorts it is hard not to smile.  

Today is my last day with my mom and then tomorrow I start back to work.  I am so very thankful that I get to spend my summers at home with my family.  I just feel like a basket case right now because tonight I have to say goodbye to my mom and I don't get to spend my days with Logan anymore.  I know at some point today I am going to cry.  For now I am going to soak in every minute of today with my family.    

I need some suggestions on reducing stress.  My doctor says I need to reduce my stress this time around.  So I am a mom taking full time classes, starting a new full time job, and teaching color guard.  What can I do to help reduce stress?  I would appreciate some suggestions!    

I know this post has been pretty scatter brained but thats how I feel right now.  I have a million things running through my head at a time.  I know I'll start to sort through all of these emotions soon but this is where I'm at right now.